You've Got A Grunkle In Me
by MiscellaneousSoup
Summary: ...The worst trollfic in the history of this website. Don't say I didn't warn you.


**A/N: Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh**

 **You've Got A Grunkle In Me**

 **A "Story" (?) by MiscellaneousSoup**

One day, Woody, Buzz, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, and the rest decided to play a game.

"Let's play a game." Woody said.

Hey, that's what I just said. Let me do the explaining, for I am the narrator. Mwuahahahahhaha.

"Shut the fuck up motherfucker." Jessie said. "Let my friend speak."

Woody pulled out a pistol and shot the narrator in the heart. "As I was saying before that goddamn motherfucking asshole interrupted me, let's play a game. Who's up for it?"

Rex waved his pathetic arms. "OOh, ooh, I'll play a game! Gimme something to do." Then he broke his leg.

Ham took a bite out of Rex's broken leg. "All better, dimwit. Okay, I say we take Buzz's technology and reconfigure it so that we'll go to alternate dimensions. What's the worst that can happen?"

"Death." Little Bo Peep said. "Hi, everyone. I'm finally back."

"SHUT UP YOU USELESS CHARACTER! You're not even a proper toy, just a public domain person." droned the Speak-And Spell rip-off or whatever it's called, I'm too lazy to actually do my research.

Little Bo Peep cried and ran off to hug her sheep. They slaughtered her as a sacrifice to Hannah, Little Sister Of The Revered God Andy. All hail Andy! ALL HAIL ANDY! ALL HAIL ANDY! ALL HAIL ANDY! ALL HAIL ANDY! ALL HAIL ANDY! ALL HAIL ANDY! ALL HAIl PLANKTON! _ALL HAIL ANDY!Y!_

Buzz slapped ham. "You fool, that is completely irresponsible and dumb. I could end up endangering all of your lives. I'm a loyal Padawan- Uh, I mean Rom: Space Knight, Uh, I mean whatever."

Getting up, Ham nodded. "Jessie, you know what to do."

Jessie flipped Buzz's switch, reverting him back to the weird, confusing, blah blah blah blah you get the drill he's in love with Jessie and he speaks another language now dear God why am I writing this so late at night this has got to be my most poorly-written story ever, intentionally, of course. why are you still reading this? doesn't you have lives oR BAD GRAMMAR ALERT SHUT UP NARRATOR

Alternate!Buzz danced around. "YO SOY EL QUESO DE MUERTE!" He then ripped out all of his technology, leaving a fragmented skeleton and died. Jessie shrugged and ate a banana.

Woody then gathered up the plastic and made a dimensional portal. "Okay you guys?"

Then, the soldiers appeared. The general was atop Buzz's sparking corpse. **"YOU STUPID IDIOTIC IDIOT FOOLS! I AM COLONEL HARDY-MCLARD. MY NAME WAS CUT OUT OF THE ORIGINAL SCRIPT FOR BEING TOO STUPID. DAN BLEKZITS, ONE OF THE EDITORS, MADE THAT DECISION. HE IS DEAD NOW. ANYWAY, THIS GOLDANG FOOL STORY HASN'T EVEN MENTIONED THE USUAL TOY STORY CREW. WHAT KIND OF A HORRIBLY-WRITTEN NONSENSICAL STORY IS THIS? WHAT HAPPENED TO QUALITY IN FANFICTION? WHEN DID IT ALL BECOME FORCED SHIPPING AND ALTERNATE UNIVERSES TO FIT THE AUTHOR'S WARPED AGENDA OF WHAT SHOULD BE TRUE AND 'REAL?' WHY CAN'T WE JUST BE SATISFIED WITH WHAT THE SHOW HAS TO SAY? I'M TALKING TO YOU, STEVEN CHOWDER TIME, OR WHATEVER CARTOON YOU'RE CALLED. WAIT, NO, I'M THINKING OF A NEVER-PRODUCED LIVE-ACTION SITCOM CALLED 'BANJO THE DEAD MUSKRAT WHO SLEEPS IN A CAGE MADE OF BARBED WIRE AND IDIOCY.' I'M SORRY TO STEVEN UNIVERSE, CHOWDER, ADVENTURE TIME, AND THE WIRE FANS. I ONLY MEANT TO OFFEND FANS OF EVERYTHING IN EXISTENCE, NOT TO SINGLE YOU OUT. THIS STUPID RANT BY MISCELLANEOUSSOUP- I MEAN ME, HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER A. A: I'M THE MOST IMPORTANT. ALSO, I'M RACIST. WHY? BECAUSE-"**

"shut up" Woody whispered. "If you offend the letter 'a', then we can't use it in the story."

The general realized his mistake and shot himself in the head with a garrot. Wait, wouldn't that just make his head get sliced off? Oh, never mind.

Woody kicked everyone else away. "Jessie, you come with me. The rest are too stupid to understand the intricacies of Doctor Who-esque travels through space and time."

Rex ate his own boogers. "Duuhhhhhhhhhhh…."

That Weird Slinky/Dog Hybrid raised his hand. "Shouldn't that be time and space? Also, you didn't put "Doctor Who" in italics. Shame on you."

Woody shoved Slinky into a wood chipper. "AS ANNE KILLED A POLICE OFFICER IN STEPHEN KING's Misery, I KILL YOU IN A BARELY SIMILAR WAY, YOU WARPED MONSTER!"

Then the two of them jumped into the portal. Whee. Happy fun time. ZOom. ZOoom. Whoosh. Colors. Swirling. Dead. Poop. Monkey feces. Dung. Orangutang. Tarzan. Macarena. Maraca. Macaw. Parrot. Iago. Jafar. Disney. Licensing. Arguments. Crazy. Team-Up. Pixar. Cartoon? CGI? Stop-motion. Ogre. Gumby rip-off. Gravity Falls. There, they made it, through the power of subconscious or whatever. bah humbug.

… **._...**

In the Mystery Shack, Grunkle Stan was attaching Dipper and Mabel to a medieval rack. "heheheheheheh this old-fangled torture exhibit will get me lost of customers. i got the idea from a shrewd businessman on an online forum."

 _ **THIS NOT SUBTLE AT ALL PLUG HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY MR. KRABS DOT COM! WE SHOW YOU THE BEST IN SELFISH HOARDING AND MONEY-SAVING AND MONEY-GRABBING AND MONEY-GETTING AND MONEY-GRUBBING TECHNIQUES SINCE THE DAYS OF UNCLE SCROOGE MCDUCK AND THE DAYS OF YORE AND THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES, PREMIERING RIGHT AFTER GENERAL HOSPITAL ON THE SOAP OPERA CHANNEL. I'M PRETTY SURE THAT EXISTS. AMERICA! SOMEONE BUY THIS DOMAIN AND PUT A PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURE OF SCROOGE AND MR. KRABS FIGHTING OVER A DOLLAR BILL ON IT. THEN PM ME. YOU WILL BE REWARDED WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR I AM A JERK. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.**_

Unfortunately, Grunkle Stan was an incompetent fool, so he did not notice that it was the year 3045. He was merely a head in a jar and the dusty remains of Dipper and Mabel's corpses were attached to the torture chamber wall.

Climatictally or some thing like that look i'm not a profsesional fanfiction writer. you see those typos right there? pure novice work, dimwit. i'm not paid to do this, you freak. -chugs alcohol- ohhhhh why do i keep drinking -chugs more alcohol- oh yesss i feel the story ideas coming i gotta idear what if i make a crossover where bojack horseman meets grunkle stan as an alternate version of his drug-fueled trip in season one episode eleven? oh wait SPOILERZZZZZZ blurghhhhhhhhhh AND THEN THE NARRATOR DIED OF CAARDIAC ARRESTTTTTT ERROR 404 COHERENCE NOT FOUND

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WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE ABOVE IDIOCY. THE NARRATOR HAS BEEN SACKED.

la cucuracha la cucuracha da da da da da dada

WHAT DOES THE FANFIC SAY ring ding ding ding ring ding ding OPPA FANFICTION STYLE

h3ll0 i'm the nostalgai critic i remember it so wolves dont' tear oout my cerebral cortex

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WE HAVE FIRED ALL OF THOSE MORONS. THE STORY -hiccup- WILL NOW PE BROCEEDING- Excuse me, BE PROCEEDING- hiccup- WITH- hiccup- GACK ZOUNDS FORSOOTH GOOD HEAVENS SOMEONE NASTY SCALLYWAG HAS POISONED ME…..

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YO. I'm Crusty Jim. I be your new narrator, dudes, dudettes, and others.

Just as Grunkle Stan finished tying the poor, dead twins up, the toys appeared.

"Yo, what up, man?" Woody hissed. "I'm suddenly different in all of my speech patterns."

"And I'm a wombat." Jessie replied, slapping a green dorito. "Time and space travel does weird stuff to you. You should have seen me earlier. I was a Smurf."

Grunkle Stan yelled and shot all of the toys with his guns.

 **duh end**

epilogue-

Mabel groaned. "Oh, man, what happened?" Staring around her, she saw the convenience store, although now it was destroyed. Dipper and Wendy were panicking and the other teens looked sickly. "It's like I've been hopped up on Smile Dip and then possessed by a demon or something…." She vowed to erase the entire experience from her memory. And she did.

 **THE END**


End file.
